Meet The School!

     If I haven’t already said it once or twice or seven thousand times…life scampers along here on a very small scale.  There is that old saying about life throwing unexpected curveballs our way.  This year is more like a change-up and I have had to slow my roll in almost every facet of life in order to be in time here.  Now, as I have mentioned before, my school is just me, the director, the cook, and my former 23, now 18 students.  What happened to almost a ¼  of my class??? They moved away to other parts of Costa Rica:-(  Below is the memorial I have established in my classroom in honor of those who have left us...I have commemorated each of them by hanging their old nametags high so their legacy will echo in the cathedral of memory for all eternity.

    Even more sadly, 4 of my fallen soldiers were 1st graders leaving my 1st grade class with a student:teacher ratio of 1:1.  Yep, just me and cute little Esteban coloring our asses off every day!  Yesterday I taught him how to tie his shoes!  Arguably the most adorable/least English related thing I have taught this year!  Since I didn’t know how to say “loop, swoop, and pull” in Spanish, I had to default to the obviously inferior “oidos de conejo” (bunny ears) method.  Needless to say, Esteban got an A.  I realized afterwards it would have been a great opportunity to reinforce “bunny” and “ears” in English, but I can just put that one in my overflowing box of “Awesome ways I realize I should have taught a lesson after I’ve already taught it with total mediocrity”. Eh, que sera sera.  Another funny sidenote, Esteban’s older sister Mauren is my only 5th grader so I like to joke to myself that their parents picked an unpopular year in La Esperanza to have sex.  Anyway, with such small classes (my largest class now being 7 students; my 6th graders), there are definite disadvantages.  Okay 1st grader, let’s get into groups of one, time to play tic tac toe!  Good job Team Esteban you win!  Here’s a chocolate.  Sorry Team Esteban, you also paradoxically lose:-(…no chocolate for you!  And please give the chocolates you won earlier to the winning team.  However, despite the occasional slow-pace and inevitable existential chocolate problem, having so few students has its definite upsides, and I think the number one advantage is how well I have gotten to know all of my students.  Instead of spending the whole year just trying to remember names (and I am NOT good at remembering names), I had that down pat in about the first week and since then have been able to focus on really getting to know each student and at this point have visited all of their houses at least once.  So since I am lucky enough to know my students so well, it is only fair that I share them with you!

1ST GRADE

Esteban a.k.a The Lone Ranger
Age 6
Greatest Skill:  Fastest “Quiet Coyote” South of Mexico
Favorite Songs:  Days of the Week, ABCs, The Color Song, Baby Got Back
Favorite day:  Friday (because he thinks every day is Friday)
Superpowers:  shoe-tying, unstoppable giggling, crayon sharpening
Adorability level:  9.2
Location of his sillys:  OUT!!

2ND GRADE

Lauren a.k.a Lauren-Bauren-Face

Age 7
Volume: excessive
Favorite type of weather: happy
Most common emotion: sunny
Favorite day of the week: January
Ability to differentiate emotions, days of the week, and weather conditions in English: negligible
Favorite Game: holding my hands while I stand on her feet to keep her in place and then slamming her forehead into my abs as hard as she can
Dream Job: being a foghorn
Favorite letters to pick in a game of hangman: Z, Q, X

Brandon a.k.a. Brandoni-Bologna-Head

Age 8
Favorite flavored crayon: sunshine yellow
High-Five frequency: 5/microsecond
Energy Level: methamphetamines
Favorite whine: “teaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaCCCHHHHeeeeeeerrrrrrr!!!!!”
Favorite wine: 78’ Pinot Noir
Line budging: pathological

Gabriel a.k.a. Gabrielito-Tito

Age 7
Height: adorable
Weight: probably
Favorite Hair Style: bed head
English proficiency: yes!
Favorite number: shmifteen
Irony of his two previous attributes: duly noted

Yohana a.k.a Yohana-Banana

Age 8
Ethnicity: Panamanian Indigenous Indian
Favorite Dance Style: self-conscious and uncomfortable
Favorite types of hugs: ones that don’t involve people touching her
Time spent walking to and from school daily: 2 ½ hours
Unexpected class sidekick: Lauren-Bauren

3RD GRADE

Ezekiel a.k.a. Zeekie-Baby
Age 9
Intentions: only the best
Easily: loved, confused, content
Disposition: sweet and unassuming
Biggest/most endearing English-related challenge: pronunciation

Andres a.k.a. Andresitoooooo
Age 9
Attitude: daily
Favorite import: hair gel
Favorite things that begin with “sa…” : rcasm, ss, limanders, rdines, xophones, lmon, botaging my lesson plans
Pain: in the neck
Location of my soft spot for him: my heart
Most likely future job: post-undergrad volunteer Spanish teacher in the United States

4TH GRADE

Yinia a.k.a Curls

Age 9
Love interests: Teacher Mark
Favorite Heart Placements: on her shoes, on her homework, where the dots in her “i” should be, on her tests, on her hands, on her arms
Intelligence Level: off the charts
Most guarded secret: she is already fluent in 11 languages and is only taking the class to draw me pictures of smiley faces

Nicol a.k.a. Nicolita Bonita

Age 9
Self-perceived age: 34
“ists”: perfection, femin, hair styl
Relationship with Teacher Mark: love/hate
Effort: frustratingly inconsistent
Sass: frustratingly consistent

Daniel a.k.a. Danny-Boy

Age 12
Apparent favorite grade: 4th
Secret Wish: to learn English…he’s just realllllly good at keeping his secret and letting everyone else believe he doesn’t care
My confidence that the above statement is actually true: 59%
Favorite English word: boobies
Statistically Proven Comedic Value of the word “boobies” – 97/100...well played Danny-boy…well played

5TH GRADE

Mauren a.k.a. The Lone Rangerette

Age 11
Favorite classmate: Teacher Mark
Effort in school: equal to an 11 year old me, i.e. not much
Probable future career: actress, singer, overall goofball
Ease of peeking her interest to pay attention in class: running the Tour de France with a broken leg
Dear Karma,: touche

6TH GRADE

Pablo a.k.a. Pabs

Age 12
Most prized classroom possession: 8 glitter gel pens
Personality: glitter gel pen
Celebrity Crush: the Jonas Brothers
Hidden talents: drawing, choreography, interior design of my classroom
Classroom Role: Eccentric Cousin

Rebeca a.k.a Rebequita a.k.a Alpha Female

Age 12
Future Breaker of:  hearts, balls, rules, expectations
Actual Career goals:  gynecologist, nurse, nun, or missionary
Opportunities to get away with breaking balls in gynecology, hearts in nursing, rules in the nunnery, and expectations as a missionary:  ironically lacking
Classroom Role: Mom

Mayerlin a.k.a. JohnMayerLindonJohnson

Age 12
Favorite face to give teacher in class: skeptical smile
What the skeptical smile means: “Teacher you have no idea what you’re doing do you…”
Hidden Talent: appears to not know English but can still understand all the jokes I make to myself during class to keep myself entertained
Classroom Role: Cool Aunt

Yilania a.k.a. Y-clef

Age “12”
Height: lots of it!
Estimated real age: 17
Favorite classroom hobby: singing “La Camisa Negra”
Biggest teacher mistake she reminds me of: playing the students “La Camisa Negra” without thinking about the lyrics and the fact that they know Spanish.
Classroom Role: Fun Step-Mom

Leivin a.k.a. “on a jetplane”

Age 12
Most common expression: enthusiastic bewilderment
Puberty: just around the corner
Attention span: Josh Hatcher
Potential: more than he knows
Classroom Role: Spacey Dad

Victor Daniel a.k.a. Victorino

Age 12
Favorite things to hug: people
Height and Weight: a lot more than he realizes when he jumps on my back
Spirit Animal: the tortoise; a little slow but steady and determined
Class Role: Problem Child

Yuri a.k.a. Jewwwwwri

Age 12
Hair: Avatar ponytail
Role Model: Tyra Banks
Similarities to Avatars: knows little English; fear of white Americans, is 9 feet tall with blue skin
Class Role: Too-cool-for-school Older Sister